#100HappyDays

Day 108- my last postAfter a full day of prepping my colon for todays colonoscopy ( and endoscopy) I found myself in a pickle, or, as the ER Doctor who saw me after 6 hours in emerg called it, a fainting spell. Super! But the scope procedures went smoothly. No definitive results as of yet but I eas advised to get determine the route cause, or lack there of, related to my stomach issues (which are presumed to be related to my anxiety- thus I am sharing how the mind and body are very interrelated)Today I was able to bake and go outside with my lion of a dog. It was mostly a good day smile emoticonI have decided this will be my last post for a few reasons. 1. I need a break from social media 2. My own thoughts have been running about if 'people' like them or learn from them or if now that ive reached 100 its getting annoying (many have quickly told me this is a silly thought but just being honest) I found I was no longer doing them for me but for the reaction, this was not therapeutic 3. I want to try other methods of release and exposure of mental health. Though I am not 100% sure as to what those may be, I have had lots of suggestions to blog, write a novel, and make a book of poems (to name a few). I have some creative ideas, goals, and options in my path of awareness and personal healing and I am excited to explore those options. Though my posts are done I am still available as a resource so please feel free to reach out at your liesure. Thanks for all the support along the way, it will still be needed smile emoticon #educationhumiliation#100happydays Day 107 Prepping day for my scopes tomorrow. Saw the lovely jvroo today and that was a pleasure smile emoticon. Made some crafts. Hoping to get a sleep, any sleep tonight. ‪#‎100happydays‬ Day One Hundred and Six Just found out the article I was interviewed for back in June has been published in the Ontario Nursing Association’s magazine, Front Lines. I would like to make a tweak and point out that this year will not be a Mental Health Awareness Week but an Initiative at all three campuses in February. Read the article on page 16; https://www.ona.org/…/…/frontlines/ONA_FrontLines_201601.pdf.Furthermore, a huge shout out to Jennifer Cook who was my rock during this time. None of this would have been accomplished without her and her phenomenal organization, passion, and obscure comedy smile emoticon. I absolutely loved working with her and wished she could have came to the interview. She is fantastic individual and passionate about Mental Health and nursing. I am so so proud of her for being accepted to the Jack Summit this year smile emoticon I cannot wait to hear all about it! I think about ROAD all the time, I really miss the hard core planning and the cohesive unit that I felt working with Jaycel Murphy, Jen, and Angela Gallant. I also miss having such a strong, visible, energetic impact on so many in an immediate way. Though today has not been great, my evening is catching wind. Time to do some Christmas baking smile emoticon‪#‎100happydays‬ Day 105 Had a horrible sleep last night, rot with anxieties of a loot bag of things. But got energy from loved ones. Shopped. Baked. Wrapped. Trekked to toronto in the busy, loud city it is wiith some awesome people. Food and crowds and noise made me at a heightened anxiety level. Harder to enjoy things. Hopin tomrrow is better than I feel right now. Going to weave myself to sleep ‪#‎newcraft‬‪#‎100happydays‬ Day 104 Despite a subpar sleep Today was good!! I battled and won. I shopped amongst the busy crowds, earplugs and grounding techniques on hand and in use. I sought guidance when needed. I think birds of prey were gift hunting, saw lots of them out scouting the perfect steal! I went to the doctors, I maade it there and I was super nervous to get there weaving the crowds. Issues like 'spilt milk' didnt bother me today smile emoticon when the train went by I still hid behind people, sqeeuzed my eyes and sealed me cochlea, rushed to get a seat, and despite the overcrowded sauna of plastic bags and people, I survived, with minimal doubts smile emoticon i even... This is huge... Picked my dinner at a restaurant. Furthermore, I tried something completely unbennounced to me smile emoticon and I ate it and enjoyed smile emoticonSo proud of myself. Though a few grades didnt go my way and I didnt get to a workout, I accomplished alot today! ‪#‎snow‬#100happydays Day one: oh tree Post nightmared sleep I had a pleasant day. I woke up to animals and the fire burning and painted and horsed around (pun intended) until my beloved xxxx came home smile emoticon. Checked into a few awesome stores in quaint and quiet towns. I protected myself today and recognized my triggers and was equipt to overcome them, not without the help of loved ones. Today was my last day at the XXX retreat house smile emoticon it will be missed. Love you Xxx smile emoticon ‪#‎100happydays‬ day 102lovely day with xxx and her nanimals smile emoticon lots of lovely baking and fresh air. feeling nauseas and crampy and anxious without known cause ‪#‎irritating‬‪#‎100happydays‬ Day 101 Made it past nausea and stomach cramps to my exam... And rocked my exam. Handed in my paper. Finished another semester. Got a few books with a cool bookworm in one of a kind shops from awesome elder humans. Made it through another round of nausea and angst and ate dinner. Drove to the countryside and was welcomed by a pretty girl in a truck along with a black canvas with dots creating a big spoon and other shimmering shapes. Still nervous for the future and all it brings ‪#‎food‬#noise#people but its been nice to be able to be open with this awesome girl whose let me in to her homestead for a few days of yummy smells and warm love. Day one hundred My day today was very productive. Pumped out theory with rawbean and attacked my essay thanks to EJH. I saw a bird of prey camping and a dog with a cone. Though I am nauseated now and feeling overwhelmed I can rest well knowing I gave my all for today. Its been a long time coming but I made it to the goal I set out to accomplish. Though it unintentionally shifted from exclusively positive into revealing my mental health battles, I am happy for what I was able to accomplish and who I have been able to reach. I know I have enlightened and inspired many and I really hope that this vulnerability I put forth helps you as much as it did me. Ive learned alot about myself, my resilience in particular and my influence towards others. My hopes are never for sympathy nor empathy nor bravery but for awareness, honesty, and revealing a true battle against our most powerful organ. ‪#‎educationhumiliation‬I watched a video in my homelessness class about making change. The video was such that one person started dancing on a hill of picnicers. One more joined in. One other joined. This started a movement. Before we onlookers knew it, those who were not dancing looked out of place. I hope that my exposure will spark your strength and that you may share, even with one person, your stories or that of someone you know. So that eventually, this so called 'bravery' to talk about mental illness becomes the trend. I am not certain the fate of my posts. I am hoping to start a blog, though I am apprehensive of this. I will post my blog ans/or website as I feel ready to share. To wrap up this anniversary with myself, I would like to thank everyone for their outstanding support and sharing their vulnerabilities with me. This, this openness about mental health, it is the change I wish to see in the world. And I hope you will join the movement. ‪#‎ghandi‬‪#‎100happydays‬ Day ninety nine Today was good. 90% done my paper, went for a run with the small dog and samosa, napped, and celebrated a lovely day for my special dad. Another year older and wiser, you never cease to amaze me with your support, courage, and kindness. Thank you for growing with me and advocating for me. Went to MEC party and saw lots of familiar and outstandingly loving faces. Greeted with love of my posts too. XXX an I were able to stay for only a couple hours before the noise and crowds and smells reached an uncomfortable level. EJH reads me like a book and really came up big, getting us in significant time to prevent a panic attack. It means I did not get to say goodnight to many loved friends so for those whom I missed, thank you for being so supportive and awesome and dont stop being you! Also shout out to the adorable baby who cuddled me on the dancefloor, you drooled away my angst smile emoticon‪#‎100happydays‬ day ninety eight a decent day smile emoticon did some good essay sculpting and hung out with lovely people smile emoticon‪#‎100happydays‬ day ninety seven spent the day with an awesome dude and closed it with an awesome gal. Unfortunately though, I had another encounter with sensory overload. This is a physically painful experience for me. Quite distressing. I hear the faintest noises maximized. I watched this video on Janson Chan's wall recently after a few of these occurrences and wondered if it is appropriately comparable. I believe it is a good way to present how these times make me feel. I hope you can learn something.People still love me smile emoticon I did some work, accomplished most of the goals I set out smile emoticon I picked food smile emoticon http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/insight-how-autism-and-sensory-overload-feels ‪#‎100happydays‬ Day ninety six Accomplished MY goals for today. With the help of some rational thought. Had trouble with food ‪#‎nausea‬. Didnt have to wear my ear plugs ‪‬. Had a counselling appointment and tried to re-envision the event on Friday and Monday. Tough to place myself back in those vulnerablespots. Interesting if I can distance myself from the fear associated with them, but can be painful if that is hard. Thankfully its a safe environment. Learned a new technique to prevent a sort of dissociation from reality called grounding. Goina pick out a special marble to hols on to each day smile emoticon get to look back at the marbles my dad and I used to use when we played marbles. Marbles. Marbles smile emoticonGet to spend a few days with the lovely EJH smile emoticon ‪#‎100happydays‬ Day ninety five Too nauseated to focus on this post‪#‎puppies‬‪#‎100happydays‬ Day ninety four Kind of a crappy day. Nauseated from the moment my eyes opened. Took gravol to try and help. Studied with my pal Xxxx and had some super obscure electrocuting and paralyzing episode that I've never before had. Keeping a close eye on that. Feeling alone, despite being loved by so many. Trying to trudge along to make it through my first two exams tomorrow. Was featured in GBC's Dialog simply to talk about my experiences with mental illness. Easy peasy awareness; hope that this can inspire others.Thanks for everyones support ‪#‎MentalHealth‬ ‪#‎educationhumiliation‬ ‪#‎100happydays‬ Day ninety three Made a schedule for this morning last night and followed it smile emoticon made a huge effort to see a few awesome people that helped my day, even though I still felt low. Its important to surround myself with those two amazing people I saw today smile emoticon thank you both for being there. Didnt freight about the amount of work I did or did not do because you pleasantly occupied my time. I look forward to more study dates and hang outs smile emoticon thanks for being awesomeAlso, shout out to my squirrels. Thanks for running to my side, curtsying around, holding trees too small for your winter weighted bodies, and sniffing my empty pockets. I love you, each one smile emoticon‪#‎100happydays‬ Day ninety two Today was just a day. Feeling frumpy and unmotivated. Hoping study buddies will help going forward. But fear that I am more vulnerable than ever in my relationships. Trying not to let my emotions and moods shine their full light through so as not to fade the light within others. Started my new medication today. Did lots of art therapy in a variety of forms. Aroma therapy crowding my house ‪#‎christmastree‬. Thanks to my family for their help today ‪#‎100happydays‬ Day ninety one This is a bathroom stall from my perspective. Its what my poem from yesturday is referring too. The 'silver trigger' was the lock to the door. I dont have silver paint so that thing on the left is the lock lol. Its helpful for me to paint or write if the creativity comes. Sharing through those ways are a release for me. Today was okay. It was a day. And I will take it. Just trying to ignore those thoughts many of us have about not being good enough or doing enough ‪#‎exams‬Today I went for a nice long walk in the forrest with Jo smile emoticon got some fresh air and explored. Hoping that all the burr pieces will come out of my pants in the wash grin emoticon‪#‎100happydays‬ Day ninety

I cannot bluntly share about my day today. Those who were there witnessed mental illness first hand. Thank you for being there to those amazing homosapiensapiens. I am in a more stable spot now so thank you for seeing me through and being patient. ‪#‎nurses‬

I wrote this poem a moment ago to try and come to terms a bit with today#educationhumiliation. Its a bit ambiguous but thaïs poetry for ya. ‪#‎hater‬

Fight, flight, or fear

Ready for battle I rose to the challenge. Hopped on the train, Absorbing it all. No smoke stacks to see But the steam from my sweat.

So i gathered my goods And sought nourishment. I looked and looked But like the Bremuda Triangle I got lost in the midst.

I could sense a strife Not sure how near or far. Trying to avoid, I warrily moved about. "Do it now!" Screamed the captain. But i ignored.

Terror, pulsing through my veins I backed away. Step after step. Until I hit a dark black wall. Stuck in the corner, I stare at the silver trigger, Wondering what lays beyond. Until a farmilar voice says "its just me."

Still petrified I contemplate. In due time, that silver handle gets pulled, a fury of fear released onto my commrades shoulder. Though the war continues, the battle is over.

Felt so much love today. Thank you.

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day eighty nine

Slept like roadkill last night. But woke up super nauseated. Called the lovely samosa and he helped calm me smile emoticon handed in an assingment and went to the gastroenterologist app i have been waiting since september for. My plan of care is a dual procedure to determine if I have IBS or IBD, etc. Not super thrilled but, should yield answers anddd i have that scheduled before Christmas!

Crossed paths with a lovely elderly woman who regarded my mental health book, or rather self-help book. Also saw Sid and found inspiration and hope. Unreal amount of admiration from and for him and his future as a well rounded police officer. I was introduced to Sid last year at the Mental Health Awareness Week:ROAD and he was honoured to meet my acquaitance. He stopped in lots throughout the week to be educated about mental health. We were able to inspire him, as he says. Now hes talking mental health classes and on route to being one heck of an officer. So happy to have ran into him today as well. Those two scenarios left me pleasantly wondering. smile emoticon

Also popped in to see stormin normin ‪#‎dehumidifying‬#cooldude. Later was able to help a lovely, strong individual with a referral to various mental health services. If you are reading this, you should be so incredibly proud of your proactiveness and recognition. Unbelievably awesome work girl!

Heard a half a dozen minus two paws and shrieked with joy, an found a fluffball in my arms smile emoticon shes camera shy.

Feeling content

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day a.d.-ate

Exhausted. Dont want to explain why. Had a good last day with the goodballs. They will be missed. Got out early and home with a wee bit of sunlight. Went for a long run with dad smile emoticon. Watched a bit of the grinch. Hoping to be rested to finish my assingment and start studying tomorrow.

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day eighty seven

Really this day should be devoted to my husband, Sidney, but that would just be ridiculous. So instead I throw back to the Roman empire and their godly sculptures ans history. Upset that I wasnt mentally stable enough to enjoy my trip to its fullest. Nevertheless. . . It was unforgetable

Today I woke up... Or exitted my bed but still was sleeping. After a night of saddness, I cried myself to sleep. I dreaded leaving the house. I felt the train stop in as it tickled my hairs, that thing stops awfully near. I trudged through crowds and made it to a dog park near placement. Just stared at the hounds frolicking away. And laughed at them. Then I was able to pick myself up and get to placement.

Once I got there things picked up. The kids greeted me with warmth and need. I enjoyed their goofie innocence. And hollered at their sass. Then Disney music came on, and not that Frozen crap, but Hercules, Pocahontis, and Lion King. The real shit. Then I frolicked with them, danced around the gym, and soared my princess dreams. I read my book and relaxed on the TTC. Wearing earplugs, but I was so into my book I did not even look up to notice who got on or off. The GO train platform was overwhelming and I burried myself between a wall and a garbage and protected myself by hiding behind a stranger. ‪#‎educationhumiliation‬. Probably too close for them but I was safe. Whatever that means. So my angst was limited and I squished on quickly (sorry, yes I hate being squished too) to get a forward facing aisle seat at a particular distance from vision of further people. Anywho, didnt have fear getting into my car and had patience to go home the normal way. Made it home in good measure and still on par. Even though I did not finish my main goal, thats okay. I worked my butt off. About to turn in the electronics for tonight, read, PTFO, and wake up refreshed for my final placement day of first term.

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day eighty six

Sweat more than I slept last night. Woke up in a trance. Decided to try and break that by putting on my cycling clothes. Ended up getting on Pegasus and moving my legs. Felt nothing. Went through the motions of the day, not actually caring about much, in a numb, negative sort of way. Frustrated with the health care system I vented to one xxx. This amazing human even stayed with me on my break, despite having school work. Its been amazing having people make sacrifices to spend time with me. Cuz time alone is my enemy. Handed in a philosophy paper I am proud of. On break, by myself, read a really sad and daunting chapter (really only two pages) of Jenny Lawsons book about her miscarriages and freaked out about how my future offspring may be affected by mental illness and/or my medications. Something I often supress. And by my third class, I was spent. After holding in the day long, extremely prevelent urge to vomit. Nurses, shout out to the most common medication side effect ‪#‎GIissues‬. Today everything made me gag, sound, light, smells. It was awful. But my last class of Mondays is always special. Today my homelessness class spoke about sex work. We had two previous sex workers come in and tell us all about their former job. Being able to learn about all these stigmatized things and how it affects people continues to reinforce why i am writing my daily posts. Despite how awful things can feel, like my entire day up until 2000, it seriously brings me through the day knowing I am educating and helping break the silence.

Today I had a nice ride home with my dad. Dad, I know today was a stressful one for you, but I love you dearly. xxx, it was nice to come home to muffins smile emoticon. Happy to have a safe place.

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day eighty five Drew this guy to simulate how heavy I felt for the better part of the day. Though, sloth or manetee like may have been more accurate. Woke up with prematurely, Stricken with angst and nausea. Tried to distract myself with Coach Carter. Never did get more sleep. Finished my paper, thanks to my editors. And went for a long walk with Kara to try and kick my funk. Maybe was a little to late as I found myself lost, mentally (my sense of direction is impeccable). The crisp daylight, normally a perfect Jess day felt unsettling. Probably because I spent much of the morning alone and unsure when I would be rejoined with loved ones. My walk was not relaxing. It was anxiety provoking. Thankfully my small dog sensed this and loved me dearly. Couldnt have done the walk without you karbear. When I did get home my mom and sister were there, lightening the burden I felt just moments ago ever so slightly. And I was able to pick up a pencil and draw this guy. That sort of transfered some more weight onto the paper. Later I chilled with my other family and was able to relax to the Grey Cup a little bit (yes, CFL did relax me, shocking). But now my mind is racing through the thoughts and feelings I had on my walk and many other things. Thanks for noticing on the phone hun, conscious of that then, I will try and read myself to sleep. But not before making some safe plans for tomorrow. Today was beautiful and sunny. I put up Christmas lights and cuddled my puppy lots. #100happydays

Day eighty four Woke up and was able to make decisions smile emoticon. Accomplished two tasks before noon and two in the pm. It was lovely playing with a puppy dawg (somebody elses four month old by Santa) and my small dog. Also spent alot of time with Mr xxx, thank you for spending the day! We had a glorious and calming walk in the woods. Anddd, wrote 80% of my Bioethics paper grin emoticon Not sure what prompted this but thankful for it all smile emoticonreally appreciate the "normal" days. #100happydays

day eight three,

today was tough. I am writing in good light (literally and metaphorically) so that is a plus.

The day thought of Black Friday is extremely intimidating for someone who has petrifying anxiety in crowds, loud noises, and the like... my worry about getting caught in a situation was super high. However, I successfully avoided the avid shoppers.

On top of that fear, I was really nervous about my mental health evaluation today. A consultation with my doctor to get a psychiatrist referral (part of a three step, timely, appointment sucking process). I was nervous because I do not think that the anti-depressant and anti- anxiety medication I am taking, Zoloft, is working for me. The last time I switched/ went off this medication was a dark dark time. Plus, I was nervous about the possibility of changing diagnoses. All rational, but still uncomfortable.

The appointment gave me warranted two new things ‪#‎humiliationeducation‬(aside from alerting my that my iron is actually impeccable and that I may actually need to increase my blood pressure ‪#‎saltintake‬) 1. A psychiatrist referral, for a lovely 2 months from now... Looking at getting a closer date. At that point I will look more into my diagnosis and medications. 2. My doctor thinks I could be affected by Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. We consider this because my moods have been changing, in a trend that reflects my menstrual cycle. PMDD is essentially, debilitatingly heightened symptoms of PMS, including depression and anxiety. Since mental health is often difficult to diagnose, we will be trying something new to try and regulate my hormones. If, after a few months, things are more regulated, then its a good chance that I am affected by PMDD. And, if things go south, its back to the drawing board.

The appointments and wait times are quite ridiculous. An average of two months between the start of crucial appointments. I don't really get that... In the mean time, I will be starting this new medication in a few weeks. My loved ones and myself have to be aware of how it affects me, since almost any medication related to mental illness can increase suicidal ideation. Furthermore, gastro problems are also a side effect... lovely... leading me to my picture.. saw that at the doctors office and was like, why would one have old poo?

Happy to still be in some light, even after sharing with the world about mental illness. Its helpful to let others in so that they can better understand, not just about me, but about their loved ones.

sitting with a small dog who has too much energy squint emoticon ‪#‎100happydays‬

Day eighty two,

I know everyone is feeling the wrath ‪#‎studentlife‬. Grab a herbal tea and cuddle buddy and settle in for a bit of a tough read. It may be triggering so please be aware of yourself heart emoticon

This morning I started hopeful, and my first few hours were great; went to class, met a really cool person and spoke about mental health, and then walked over to my counselling appointment. Today's session was not as good as normal ones, for a few reasons, of which I will not go into all the details. Most prominently, I was triggered by the firetrucks lighting up the street, eleven floors below. Their noise still making me cringe. I couldn't breathe, I tensed up, I welled up, I was abandoned. Nothing got through to me for those moments. And even though it was only for a few seconds, it lasted so long and seeped into my mood for today. Crowds were in high force, my goodness how I can't wait for Black Friday tomorrow... not... thinking of which, have to plan a better route to school tomorrow.

Back to my stressors. My PHL paper is irritating and stressful, but its not debilitating for me. Groups of people. Small spaces. Dark places. LOUD NOISES. Smells. Seeing food. Thinking of food. Using the washroom. . . getting the trend? Most of these things I hit in everyday life. I remember telling people (though I cannot see back through the fog that was my last week) that the train was okay, I didn't have to wear earplugs. And now, things are terrifying again. Unbearable. I avoid so much, alter paths, even if it will be significantly longer or more wearing. I wait for a later train. SO EXHAUSTING PLANNING YOUR DAY AROUND LIVING LIKE PEOPLE ARE SUPPOSED TOO. Can anybody hear this? Its so exhausting. ‪#‎humiliationeducation‬

Plus side is, when you find pockets of calmness, in noise and humans, or when you find a dog (or even better, a puppy), things settle. Even for a few moments. Those times are cherished...

and then the carpet is pulled out again squint emoticon

Yes, sometimes, too often, I am the one pulling the carpet. And no, I do not know why... But, think of living in a hole for awhile (or what feels like forever, even when the stopwatch says 30s have passed), like a hole down deep into the pits of the earth. Dark, lonely, stale. But then someone throws you a rope and a ladder. But you're so used to the dark, that you fear the light. It will blind you, then it will just be dark again... Plus, you're tired and weak, theres no energy left to use the rope or ladder. Thats how I feel right now.

Feeling heavy. I am going to go try and cope through puppy cuddles, sister hugs, mommy kisses, colour books, writing, and more things that could help me restart myself. Thank you to xxxx, xxxx, and xxxx for being there when I needed you. For giving a different perspective, and for loving me for me. The world needs you, even if its just because I need you. Cuz Im awesome, so, you are too.

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day eight one

Mostly a good day. Overshadowed by the abrupt decline as I stepped away from clinical and onto the street car. Mayhem, claustrophobia, noise, sweat and stale air, and so many people. Eyes welled when I rode to union. Dark cloud stormed its way in, knocking out all sense of hope. stomach in knots, will I hurl today? Will I even muster up the courage to get off this streetcar?

But I just escaped on the train. Earplugs in, pencil in hand, I tried to write out what I was feeling. Not quite understanding. Got off in utter fear as the stinkin VIA blistered past, so loud and obnoxious, I tucked back in the train until the last second to get off to avoid that terror.

And I shut down with anger and perhaps fear at myself, I guess, as I got home to the ones who relentlessly care. But I treated them poorly. I sulked and tensed up. I didnt eat much of a dinner. Didnt do much school work, couldnt even lift a book. Everything looked grim. I took a step, watched how I met your mother and laughed. Just let its stupidity and witt soothe me. My loving family, still there, allowed me to talk at my own pace. And so we did. Thank you for your patience and perseverance.

Hoping for some much needed rejuvenation and calmness for my incredibly busy day tomorrow.

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day eighty Chyea, thats right, around my brain in 80 days. Heres to my ray of bright, shiny, strong, beam of colourful lights. You are truly a beautiful human, to infinite ways, and beyond Still riding the wavetop. Had a crazy busy morning commute but coped great. And in turn had my fastest commute home this afternoon yet! On the way to the kids I ran into a tiny, asorable pug puppy. #pugsnotdrugs. Thats what dreams are made of, baby pugs! Powered out some of my essay thoughts, thanks to the consultation of a lovely friend. Made a new friend today smile emoticon The kicker, I had an appetite. Despite my aggravating IBS tendencies, I was so hungry throughout the day. Feeling less fatigued and wonky now as I am also increasing my iron, and I have taken it every day since I got it! HiFive self smile emoticon. Also, now that I reflect, I dont know if I was nauseated today... Thats a great thing to not know grin emoticon Feeling crafty and wanting to create something #100happydays

Day seventy nine

(Insert adorable photo of Me and xxx flying to Jupiter here).

Travelled lots today but kind of a nice day for that. Kind of soothing, had a third of the typical crowds during my travel times and saw some snow smile emoticonworked on Mental Health Initiative smile emoticon. Squeezed my puppy (yes xxx, this makes for a good day). Saw xxx and squeezed her too. Got home to a lovely meal and family. Missing xxx, but so happy to have seen him smile emoticon. Seeing the activities and duties of this week but content with it ‪#‎awesome‬

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day seventy eight

Low key day. Getting bummed out cuz leaving two awesome people frown emoticon. Saw lots of dawgs, did some beading and some painting today. Had a beavertail. Walked in the beautiful sunshine through awesome parks. Watching a movie with xxxx and then an early morning departure. Long distance sucks squint emoticon frown emoticon

Thanks to xxx and xxx for a great weekend

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day seventy seven.

Woke up bright an early, as always, before the sun. Had a great morning and did lots of things today. Saw lots of dogs. Then hit a bit of a hiccup trying to wrap my head around time and space. Time has passed and I am all good now. Just heading out to watch the sens kick butt with my baby smile emoticon ‪#‎nophone‬

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day seventy six

Handed in the theory paperr. My spidey senses came in handy today! Hopped on a bus and chilled with Landon and Xxxxx smile emoticon just about to do some beading.

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day seventy five

Mostly a good day. Just super pooped. Figured my iron has plummeted and giving me these weird vertigo and shakes. Thanks dad for coming with me to get my meds smile emoticon thanks xxxx for having strength and being an inspiration. Nice to see ms mcgovern today smile emoticon. Finished my theory essay. Feeling refreshed and ready for sleep smile emoticon Cuddle this fur ball, or squeezed her.

‪#‎100happydays‬

day seventy four

Stopped and smelled the roses, or whatever flour this is (yes, I am aware of the spelling miss take). Today was a day. It was uneventful, except for the torturous centipede that stampeded Ojibwe. Kids were a handful but I got alot of free hugs so that was nice. Nausea has been encapsulating, not sure what to do to make it stop. Also havent slept much in a few days now (also think my Iron is low, getting Palafer tomorrow). Took Clonazopam to turn my brain down a little. Seemed to have relaxed a bit. If only I could bead all day. Beading made my train ride fly bye! Thats a huge plus now that I think of it. Was nice to hear from xxx and xxx, two of my favourite ladies. Thanks to all those who continue to be there for me, I could not experience the good without you.

And to all those persevering community health nursing students writing their photovoice: look at it in a new light, seriously, try writing with a black light smile emoticon. Writing the paper is like having the stomach flu, you just need to hack it out and clean the mess up later. smile emoticon (edit later).

‪#‎100happydays‬

day seventy three

Another day... a bit of a low one for the morning; needed my earplugs, my small box, my cocoon, a quiet space. but then the kids needed me and none of those were allowed (because I was too worried about being tagged with a booger ball). Though, stomach problems persisted and have returned for a few days now squint emoticon. Also not sleeping well doesnt help... Also my nausea doesnt benefit any part of me... Not eating well, nor enough. Still waiting for my referral consultation with a gastroenterologist, scheduled a solid two months ago, yippie! But I am on top of the cloud right now. Talked with my boo, beaded, and wrote some more of this painstaking, time-killing essay. Bought Jenny Lawson's first book and excited to get to that! Its nice to go home to a loving family and comfy chair that once housed the bum an amazing man I will never meet in the flesh. I am jealous for those who got to meet him and dream of all he was, still recognizing his amazing "powers" today. ‪#‎grampanielsen‬ For his loving daughter I leave this: "Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion" Psalm 103:2-4

Nice to know that I have so much love, far and wide

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day seventy two

Saw this spider, bigger than a loonie. Not sure how to disseminate my day today. Lots of discomfort both physically and mentally. Theres no cloud though. I am still in the clear but I worry (the irony) that one may swoop in.

Made it through another one. Hoping to get a good sleep.

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day seventy one

My anxiety is wearing on me like a pair of pants. You can only wear them so many times before you have to take a break from them and wash them. And nausea is my pants shadow. Following them wherever it goes. There is an optimal amount of anxiety (and subsequently nausea) that I can tolerate, and a length of time. I feel like im breeching that again. Fading like an old pair of jeans.

Trying to recall the energy I woke up with. To this beautiful scenery with mydog. Even got to spend alot of study time with a trusty friend smile emoticon. I accomplished alot this weekend. Filling my time as much as possible. I fear my good is dwindling and hope that its just my tiredness thats getting at me and that I will wake up excited for the long day ahead of me tomorrow. Please send positive energy.

‪#‎100happydays‬

day seventy

another day today smile emoticon still felt anxiety and nausea but I had safety blankets to help out. I write about it, I distract myself, I put gym clothes on and sit on my bike to How I Met Your Mother and end up pedalling, I surround myself with love. After reading Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things Jenny Lawson spoke about how she had a greater appreciation for the good days because of her mental illnesses, and last week I was not sure that resonated with me, this week I could not be more sure. An "okay" day feels great. I can have a goofy smile like the little girl in the picture and make other people happy but also FEEL happy and worthfull (as opposed to worthless, and no I do not mean worthy). I am privileged to acknowledge this smile emoticon

Today I saw my small puppy and received more kisses than water droplets fall in Niagara in a year smile emoticon I saw my gramma and grampa and we talked about sterile horse poop its relation to wound care (not sure if this is scientifically sound but interesting thought). I got my gramma a colouring book like xxxx got for me, she loved it! ‪#‎arttherapy‬ smile emoticon I think its a great idea for any crafty person, big or small! Talked to xxxs, miss that bugger so much, if only he wasn't so damn handsome! smile emoticon And I looked through pictures of my youthful days, how cute I was and how cute I have grown. I am really something smile emoticon The little box-headed baby is pretty cute to smile emoticon xoxo

Lots of love ‪#‎100happydays‬

Day sixty nine

Today was okay, even good. It felt normal. I woke up and was able to make a decision. I went to the gym and crushhhhed the weights and loved it. Went to class. Felt so good I went to another class as a safety net incase this weekend goes a rye. Talked with my love Xxxx lots :)shes a gem. Felt totally okay with the Friday traffic crowds, put earplugs in because the train engine is loud. So thats good for my ears smile emoticon. I did feel nauseated lots but I also recognize I was pretty pooped from a long week. Its nice to have a day of middle ground. My referral to a psychiatrist went off today so hoping I can get united with someone to reassess and regulate my meds to make sure I am on whats best for me. so thats great news! Also acquired these books of interest to help me become more culturally aware. I am so sorry to hear about France and my condolences to those affected. Ive read many a post saying what happened there is terrible, as it is, please do not forget to acknowledge disparities in our own country. My race and ethnicity course has taught me that we are very good at hiding whats gone amiss here.

Anywho, today was a day and thats awesome for me smile emoticon I can smile and feel it and it radiates. I am pretty sure my smile is a communicable disease actually.

‪#‎100happydays‬

day sixty eight

not feeling to hot right now. stomach is not well and nausea is overbearing. Up until about 1800 I was having a good day, so I try and tell others. . . at that time, sensory overload, stomach cramps, thoughts racing. I needed my Clonazopam, earplugs, hat and hood on. Everything hit all at once, I feel like I am back in a hole, hoping that its just an indent that can be bent back in shape tomorrow morning when the new day hits. For not, I try and sleep and not let the thoughts, sounds, and fears overtake me. This poem I wrote last week but I think it emulates how I am feeling now. ‪#‎humiliationeducation‬

What once was clear

I was crystal clear, I could see beyond the moon. I was light, weightless, like a feather. I would laugh at my convenience, move and not be weak. I could tell my loved ones and not think myself a cheat. I could spill milk, all over the floor and with no doubt, I would not melt- down. I could tell people I was happy.

Whatever sparked the light, helped me to see, and bore my weight, its dwindling.

I know because I am heavier, I’m like a sinking ship. I am slowly being pulled down by my own weight. If only I had a floatation device.

My energy is being transferred, or taken, or destroyed. I cannot find an outlet that may help me regain my power. So I wait and see if luck will have me, to hold, love, and cherish.

But my tangled stomach is wriggling up my chest. It’s the bane of my existence invoking anxiety and despair.

The clouds are rolling in. I fear they may wreak havoc. There was no chance of rain this morning, but I guess things changed. Deflated, like a bicycle tire, with a tiny hole, you can fix it up, but it won’t be long until it’s broken and helpless once more.

‪#‎100happydays‬

day sixty s-heaven

I would like to remember those who have fought and are fighting for our country. I have incredible thanks for those who have done this. Though who lost their lives, lost them in honour. Those who have their lives, but continue to fight in their own war, you are equally as honourable. Mental Illness (and homelessness) among veterans is incredibly prevalent ‪#‎invisiblescars‬. Do not let this go unnoticed. Lest we forget. http://globalnews.ca/invisible-wo…/1257394/invisible-wounds/

Today was incredible. I accomplished so much. Its amazing what positive energy does. I did my sugar and diabetes presentation to the kids at school AND they actually listened... AND they actually participated. . . AND they were intrigued. AND had some parents approach me about what my project was, they took a picture and some information on sugary drinks home! ‪#‎rethinkyourdrink‬ I also saw a lot of amazing Indigenous art taking place today and will be starting to bead a medallion. Plus, I got to be a part of Big Circle. Wow, I am the utmost grateful to be able to partake in these sacred events. Taking careful note of the hundreds of ways that these communities have been affected by the intergenerational trauma that is still all to prevalent. I hope that I can educate those around me about these issues, support these communities, and inspire change. I think today was a small stride.

I also set into action some awesome ideas extracurricularly. Excited at the opportunities they may present.

ALSO, I did not have to wear my earplugs on the GO train or down town. I do not have to walk in a closed box. I did not have the same trend of prior Wednesday downfalls. Instead, I RADIATED my smile. I felt amazing, I feel great. Thus, I decided that I needed to write future Jess Crawford in the event that she may take a dip in that dark hole sometime in the future. I am taking what I have learned, using my incomparable strength and trying to launch myself forward, beyond that hole, but hey... things happen, part of depression and anxiety is that these moods are often out of my control. So preparation for a "disaster" is key smile emoticon ‪#‎recognition‬ ‪#‎humiliationeducation‬

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day Six-tea Six

Guess who had a second good day in a row? Proudly, I DID. Guess who is on a streak; Who smiled most of the day; Who took out their earplugs; Who didnt stress about clinical; Who made strides at clincal; who ate without fear; walked openly; talked to strangers; worked out; met Fratata and her babies; and guess who is happy and who knows they deserve to be!? ME!

I seize the days where I can actually have love for myself. We all should love ourselves. Its beautiful, strong, and propelling.

I finished Furiously Happy today and it super resonated with me (yes, super). So I am going to share-aphrase from Jenny Lawson's book:

[For those who live in the darkness, brighter days are coming, no it might not be forever, but hold on to those days. The dark shows terrible things, it screams lies, monsters are there and they want to pull you down and kill you. You know they're not real, but when you're in that black, watery hole, they are the realist thing there is. And they want you dead. And sometimes they succeed. But not always. Not with you. You are alive. You have fought and battled them. There are no medals given out for these fight but each time you grow stronger and learn a little more. You learn how to fight. You learn which weapons work. You learn who your allies are. Sometimes you fight valiantly, sometimes you fight by pulling yourself in a ball. Sometimes you fight by giving up and turning it over to someone else who can fight for you. And sometimes you fall deeper. But even in the deepest times, you are not alone. Some of the best people are here too, learning painfully to breathe underwater so they can find their way back to the surface. So they can one day walk in the sunlight but with different eyes, eyes that can see the people underwater, and reach out into the darkness and pull up those fellow fighters, or even to hold their cold hands and sit beside the water to wait patiently for them to come up for air. . . sometimes, we fly.]

‪#‎100happydays‬ ‪#‎actuallyhappy‬ Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things ‪#‎loveyourself‬ ‪#‎hashtag‬ ‪#‎allies‬

Day sixty five

Woke up early and hopped out of bed. Trying to avoid or delay the rush of thoughts that I feel is inevitable. Pushed them out for most of the day with the support of loving friends. Had a lovely sunny commute, i was the ONLY person to enter the train through the door i chose. That made me happy. Read an amazing chapter in Furiously Happy about her struggles with anxiety and her fears. The Spoon Theory, really good theory, ill explain it another day! Page 240ish, give it a read!

Also went to the gym and was just so conscious of how my body felt. I was aware of what it wanted to do and what was not in the cards today, and I was happy with that.

During one of my classes though, my mind sprinted and sprawled. With the unpredictability and unsettledness i opted to take my Clonazopam. I rarely take my anxiety drug because it makes me tired, in efforts to calm my mind, but there are times when I just dont feel it will stop and I wanted to prevent a collapse into a dark place. So I guess this was a good proactive thing because I am doing well.

Today was good. And i am okay with saying that and feeling that. It was long and busy and tiring, but that is what normal should feel like for my 1100-2130 monday classes. I feel normal, energetic, able to eat, perhaps even able to make choices without fear and pain. But for now, i get to go to bed, happy and mentally rejuvenated, hoping, praying, yurning that things will stay up tomorrow.

‪#‎100happydays‬ Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things

Day sixty four

Had horrible dreams. Woke up in utter angst wondering how I am to face the day ahead. All day i twiddled my thumbs, trying not to dig a hole. So much time for thoughts to overtake me. Its not a simple fix as it may seem. I cant just get up and do something like going for a walk. It really bothers me that I cannot explain why. Something holds me back from being able to make a decision or make a move. So much so that when I decided I wanted to go for a walk and went to change, i cried when I realized I was dressed for the occasion. Not sure why. Not being able to explain how encapsulating my anxiety is detrimental: i cannot find definitive triggers, solutions, nor provide advice to people to help me. Then its not too long until the depressive sides kick in. Because how many days could you feel ready to hurl for? How many days could you be indecisive on every decision seeing that there are exclusively negative outcomes? Its wearing, let me tell you.

Today I got to see my baby sister more than expected, that made me happy. I am so proud of her and all she has done. Hal you are so smart and caring. I adore you so so much. I cherish you in my heart, despite my jokes about you smile emoticon.

‪#‎100happydays‬ Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things

day sixty three

today I was not burried deep. I could laugh. I could see clearly. I could tell people I was feeling good and not feel guilty. I could move about and not be exhausted. My anxiety lingered a lot, making its presence known. I was able to, at about 1500, take a break from it and be rational. Understand that not everything is going to cause problems, that life is good to be in. I wrote three poems today. But I am not going to share those yet, they need time to digest, like all good poems. Instead I will share a poem I wrote a few months ago when I felt beat down but the light began to shine through, and I still had all the same amazing people who loved me around. They did not leave, they endured. xxx said something the other day on the phone, he said "hun, Im not going anywhere because you are sick." I felt recognized, like its an illness and not like its in my head. I love you you goon, thanks for sticking around. Shout out to all of you who've stuck around through my brain sickness, this ones for you.

The Glue Holding Me Together

Vulnerable but bound with the strength of an egg against an enclosed palm- Tree’s sway, with a thankfully unforced laugh- Out loud, support is given, felt, and herd- Of misfits form perfectly into a puzzle- Me not, for their testimony can never be found false. It is true: they are the exception.

Saw an 8 month old puppie with a broken leg, poor thing fell down the stairs. So cute though smile emoticon. Also played street tennicky with my dad, that started my happiness. Saw my gramma and grampa.

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day sixty two

Thought yesterday was rock bottom. Well I was wrong. Today was a new bottom. A cold, dark, secluded, negative bottom. One where nothing mattered, not even myself. All thoughts raced negative as ever in my mind pushing me into a place no one should have to go. I have hope somehow. A small beam, even just for this post. I have support. Ive been open and people I need and confide in can help me and do. Id like to think my ability to be open about my illness helps them understand. But showing this vulnerability isn't present for everyone and that is partly why I post.

Today I hung with kara. She rolled in poop. Gave her a bath and watched her run her face on the carpet. Then we cuddled. Special thanks to the Caitlyn, who probably doesn't even know that she helped me today. I tried to type out how you helped by talking about art but I cant quite figure it out. Nevertheless, thank you. Thank you to those several others who helped me: for your composure, guidance, honesty, genuinity, love, courage, and vulnerability.

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day sixty one

Had another exhausting day fighting my own thoughts and uncomfortable physiological Repercussions. Felt my whole body cease up small but feel the weight of an elephant walking downtown. My nervous twitch and noise sensitivity sent me on a whirl. Thanks to my arson of support for guiding me home again. Despite my day filled with tears, fears, pain, and sorrow, I am able to say that today was not rock bottom. ‪#‎humiliationeducation‬ That was yesturday. Today was a little better, a few rays of light touched my cerebral cortex and fired off positive messages. Even just a few is okay. Less crappy is still more better.

It was lovely to see xxx and xxx, and to hear from xxx. These people inspire me while supporting me, lifting me up when I am down. Thank you for your kind words and actions.

Pet a kitten, then it blew a booger bubble. That made me laugh. Also got the plate I painted and saw my small dog!!

‪#‎100happydays‬ ‪#‎GoSensGo‬#JetsForTheLoss

Day sixty.

What do you feel when you look at this picture? To me, I experience fear. Despite having ear plugs in, The noise of the oncoming train, of those around, and the noise in my head all make hearing unbearable. The sight of all the people, the aura of them near, curdles my stomach. My heart rate picks up, I have my hat on, hood up, staring at my feet. Trying not to hear anything nor see anything but the tiny bit of space infront of my shoes. I cannot explain why I have this fear. But i know today was awful. It took me alot to get from A to B, B to C and so on. It was painstaking. And I feel as though I am looked at like I cried wolf. I feel worthless and stupid. My everyday life, or what it feels like in this dark mood, is exhausting for the basic tasks of eating and travelling and being out and about. You know that feeling you get when you're in a car and you fly over a bump and your stomach drops? Or the one you get when you have the stomach flu and things arent settled? How about when a space shuttle takes off beside your ear? Or a pack of jaguars is nearing you? Try and feel these every waking hour if every day. ‪#‎humiliationeducation‬

Today I reached out to several people, in search for different tactics and support in order to pick myself up off the library ground I sat crying on. I had amazing people rush to my needs and I did it. I defied Dane Cook and 'got in the [train]'. Thanks to my amazingly strong and beautiful sister who got me a 'Colour Me Happy' book. ‪#‎child‬#colouring#inthelines?

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day fifty nine

Honestly could not even count what makes me anxious. I grin and bear it or its become second nature or it makes me nauseated. I am becoming increasingly frustrated with being unable to identify all of my stressors and how to cope effectively. My psychologist appointment Thurs cant come sooner. I now wear earplugs commuting, put my hood on as blinders, throw my head down to not see the sea of people, and carry a stress ball in hand. Thats just ONE part of my day. Its exhausting. Can you see how mental illness is cyclical? Can you see how its draining? Im working my buns off finding things to make my days more comfortable. But, at least today I am not overcome by sadness. I am 'simply' anxious. I can function with this, the former is excruciating.

Today was a day. Not extravagant but not horrible and Ill take it. Beautiful weather, got to be outside for a lot of it. Ate well and did another workout today smile emoticon haven't had this much drive to move my body in a long time. Also, shout out to jvroo for making me laugh this morning!

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day fifty eight

Made it through another day. 1100-930 class. Cramps and all. Even did a workout. Even spoke to friends. Even did well in school. Thanks to my stressball for making a comeback in my life and being able to absorb all my nervous energy. Thanks to those amazing people (yes plural) who disclosed personal battles to me today. You are not alone and Without my illnesses we would not have spoke nor bonded.

‪#‎100happydays‬

day fifty seven

Today was weird. Stomach bugged me alot. Tried to avoid. Felt overwhelmed with simple things. In the end, i accomplished alot this weekend; school work, leisure, nature, family, and more. I ought to be proud of all that. Some little stitch exists that prevents me from feeling accomplished. Its like when I 'do well' at something It gets pulled on and causes me to hold back positive feelings and instead causes pain.

I have Been reading this book called Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson. My amazing mom got it for me, quite hesitant that my reaction would be "WTF!? Another self help book!?" But I gave it a chance and within two days have read over 50pages. My mom did her research and man she knows me well! This book is a comedic and real account of Jenny's battle with mental illness. Its so helpful to read someone who has similar expierences, to put forth my feelings into hilarious words. That book made me laugh lots today.

‪#‎100happydays‬ Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things

Day fifty six

Currently feeling nauseated and have stomach cramps but trying to look past those at the productive day I had. I had a full day. Was able to go for a run, do a few readings, clean up, and when I did not feel well I went birding. Started making accomplished lists alongside to-do lists. Feels way better to have the former grow than to simply cross off an item on a to-do.

spent the night with Karl. She was a good minion smile emoticon

Dont forget to set the clocks back ‪#‎100happydays‬

Day fifty five

Woke up in an opaque fog again, dreading the day ahead. In class I learned alot and was gifted with knowledge of four amazing individuals lived experiences via a panel. During this time I shared, with my whole class of over 70 people, my struggles with depression and anxiety, and tears to go with them. The response was incredible. Thank you for those who cried with me and for those who gave me a hug and kind words. ‪#‎humiliationeducation‬

Spent the afternoon watching birds and chasing dogs with my best friend. Missing him so much already.

Went out to paint pottery with my mom, played with a kitten, and picked up a halloween suit for karapoo.

Exhausted of the days rollercoaster. ‪#‎100happydays‬

Day fifty four

Another exhausting day. Stomach in knots. Head aching. Hoping that I sleep through the night once this week. Had a really negative spiral this afternoon which has left me pretty down. Everything piled up, miles high, and I continued to fall as it grew exponentially. Feeling heavy.

But, Made the choice to move out of my single apartment to get some much needed love. Thankful for all those who helped with the immediate transition. I will continue to lean on you for support in my days of seemingly weakness.

Saw lots of dawgs, and got kisses from my very favouritist one.

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day fifty three

Had a satisfyingly exhausting day. Helped with math and writing, got a class pet, taught vitamins and minerals, played food group korners. Packed buckets on buckets on buckets. Found these glasses from THREE years ago in the deepest corner of my couch chair. Danced to MJ. Watching sens game with their biggest fan!!

‪#‎100happydays‬

day fifty two

been extremely negative and hard on myself today. not sure why. I got to play in a soccer game, a volleyball game, and got new glasses. It shouldn't seem so crummy.

the chronicles of a wiener dog make me feel better

‪#‎100happydays‬

Day fifty one

Eight hours of class done today. Wrote down all my accomplishments and things I was proud of as they happened.

After a long day, Xxxx and I were heading home, expecting it to be uneventful. While on the ttc we gave first aid. This person was stating they were diabetic and had low blood sugar. Knowing the symptoms and how to quickly solve it we surveyed the car for sugary things and two people gave things for his gentleman. A twist in the story is when the driver said, are you sure hes not drunk? In the moment I said no, im not sure but the former is worse than the latter if true. He rolled his eyes and went back to the front. I do not know if he ended up calling. What prompted this thought? The gentleman was Aboriginal. After the scenario and After having three lectures of racialization I was livid. First, the stereotype by the driver. Second, the prevalence of homelessness.

In the end, the individual drank sugar and was able to make his stop. Regardless of his state of health. Reflecting on this scenario, Xxxx and I decided we did everything we could and were able to neutralize our perspectives and do the best care possible.

‪#‎100happydays‬

day fifty

today I accomplished a lot from my "to do" list. thanks to some words from lovely ladies last night, I found the strength to acknowledge it and be proud of myself smile emoticon Plus, despite being nauseated all day long again, I cooked and ate pretty well today smile emoticon Spent the day with my bestest friend Xxxx and saw some pretty awesome people at MEC smile emoticon

Prior to starting this challenge I definitely thought it would be a quick fix to a world seemingly crashing in on me. I did not expect to still be sick and trying to heal, even after months prior to starting this challenge, for so long. It is frustrating, demoralizing, challenging, and rewarding going through depression and anxiety for what can feel like an eternity. I hope that by day 100, I have continued to make strides; having little to no days of darkness; that 80% of my day does not revolve around fear of food, people, nausea, and cramps; I hope that my relationships have strengthened, and that we all come out on top. I am determined to win this war in my head. I may be Canadian, but for this I am no peace keeper, I am going to take my brain for a whirl and claim victory and control over my life once more. Heres to positivity and beauty, may it overtake sullen pessimistic times.

‪#‎100happydays‬